Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
