drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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