you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
