There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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