mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
