You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
