I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
