i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
