Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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