And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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