1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
