I think I am morally bankrupt
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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