Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
