I hope mine doesn't look like that
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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