shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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