Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
