I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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