i don't like sucking hair
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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