My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
