they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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