Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
