i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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