He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
