i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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