I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
