You can't motorboat a personality
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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