If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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