Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
