Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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