Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Randomize
