do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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