i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
last night I used snow as a chaser
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