pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
