She announced her abortion via fbk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
