Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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