I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
organizing the empties. That sober.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
