Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
