Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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