I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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