Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
