You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
