There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
