One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
