Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
