And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
