last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the condom got lost in my hair
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
