I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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