dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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