Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
