don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
