So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
