whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
